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From: Jeanine
Date: 2/3/01
Time: 1:05:35 PM
Remote Name: 159.91.144.205
I have to admit, I'm a little hesistate to post. Seems in a lot of ways we've resorted to yelling at each other. And I'm also afraid to offend someone. I don't want to suddenly find out that I'm something I never thought I was. Anyway, it bothers me that I can't seem to form a coherent thought in class. I'll open my mouth to say something and I'll hear the words playing in my head, but they come up all wrong. That's because I am afraid. I am afraid to get into an argument with someone when I know only what I feel and not all too many facts. I am afraid to insult my black professor. I am afraid that what I say won't matter because I am white and have no idea what it is like to face discrimination everyday. I am afraid to expose my own naivety. I don't remember the last time I experienced race issues at a higher level.
I went to a panel last semester at the college. I don't remember what it was called, but I do know it was on race because that is all they talked about. They talked about white people acknowledging their role in our actualized society. I think their message was the same one Professor Pearson was trying to convey to me in class. We may not personally eat, sleep, and breathe discrimination, but it is out there. It exists because we all created it. Somehow. I guess it's that whole institutional racism thing. I'm sorry that I will get better medical coverage than some of you. Maybe I don't have to be, but I am. I'm sorry that somewhere along the lines things became really fucked up. Most of all, I'm sorry that no one seems to know how to change all this. I keep waiting to hear solutions. Everyone just keeps going over and over the problem. Where do u go when u r a white person who is ready to acknowledge their place in racial society and acknowledge others experiences? Acknowledging isn't solving anything. I am way too disillusioned.
I think that Anthony's right when he says that the class is for constructive discussion. We're doing what seems to be natural. We're either keeping our mouths shut or we're at war with each other. We all have experiences. We can't compare them and say "mine was worse than yours" or vice versa. But we can learn from each other. We can acknowledge all of the experiences. I'm not sure what we're suppose to do after that. But let's not miss out on an opportunity to learn things personally. It's not such a bad thing.